Whether you’re navigating a 12-Step program or another form of recovery, support from counselors, peers, or mentors can make all the difference. And remember, every step forward—no matter how small—is a step toward healing. Donating money, volunteering time, or providing care can serve as indirect amends when direct communication is not feasible. The key aspect of indirect amends is focusing on personal growth and changing harmful behaviors.
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Words will only go so far and remember that not everyone is quick to forgive and move on. A loved one might need time to accept amends and feel okay https://crestpointgc.com/2025/03/04/office-hours-what-happens-to-your-body-when-you/ with it. The person may need to know the hurt will never be caused again before working on trust. “Living amends” is about making daily changes, walking the walk, and showing a true commitment to everyone around. True changes show that the person is serious and is working little by little to shift towards a positive space with all involved. It is worth it to cross the bridge on the journey of healing towards making amends.
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I do not expect anything in return and sincerely appreciate you taking the time to (read or listen) to me. In Step 9, participants acknowledge the negative impact their addiction had on others and commit to direct amends where possible. True amends go beyond apologies; they involve sustained change. These actions demonstrate a new way of living and help develop accountability, paving the way for Step 10, where amends are made immediately upon realizing harm. When held in the bonds of an addiction, it’s not uncommon for many relationships to feel strain, or to fall apart together.
The Ninth Step: When To Do So Would Cause Harm
Taking full responsibility, regardless of circumstances, is key in an amends letter. By clearly stating your commitment to change and the actions you’ve undertaken, you can convey sincerity and accountability effectively. Addiction is a brain disease, and one of its most devastating side effects is when a person travels a path marked by behaviors that conflict sharply with their true values and character.
- Expecting the ornamentation of trust from the amends-receiver should be given up.
- A sponsor, therapist, or trusted support person can help you decide the healthiest approach.
- Family members may attempt to “fix” the problem and get sad, frustrated, or upset when their efforts don’t seem to make a lasting difference, fracturing relationships and causing emotional distress.
- This allowed me to focus on my recovery and allowed me to flourish and find a job working in recovery as well, helping others the same way I was helped.
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It was my fourth time in treatment, and they weren’t very supportive or optimistic, but I told them I was going to die without help. Towards the end of treatment, I was having panic attacks because I didn’t know what I was going to do, but then Any Length Retreat had me apply for the Living Amends scholarship. Compile a list of all the people you’ve wronged or mistreated through the course of your substance abuse. Addiction is often labeled a “family disease” because it affects not only the person struggling with addiction but also everyone in their close circle. Family members may attempt to “fix” the problem and get sad, frustrated, or upset when their efforts don’t seem to make a lasting difference, fracturing relationships and causing emotional distress. Making amends is part of the 12-step program in Alcoholics Anonymous, specifically in steps 8 and 9.
Be generous with your time.
My name is Mackenzie Wilson, and I was granted a Living Amends scholarship I’ve used to help fund my stay at my sober living house. I cannot begin to express what your help has done for me, even just a month in. Staying here as I begin my sober journey isn’t alcoholism just about having a roof over my head with fellow recovering addicts. The blessings I am experiencing reach so much further into my livelihood and growing experience as a newly sober woman in Austin. When I spoke to my counselor about it, she said she would talk to some people about a scholarship.
- This was possible thanks to the financial support I received from Living Amends.
- Making amends is the process of taking responsibility for one’s wrongdoings and actively working to repair the harm caused by these actions.
- You don’t have to do this alone – give us a call today to learn more about how we can help you and your family.
- Our advisory council brings together leaders in behavioral health, technology, and business.
- Every month, 150,000 people search for addiction or mental health treatment on Recovery.com.
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- The first is when you take actions (donate, volunteer, etc.) whenever you can’t directly reach out to the affected person.
- The process of treatment and recovery isn’t only about sobriety but also about repairing the damage caused by addiction.
- The guilt for your wrongdoings will eventually dissipate and by making an apology and amends, you will be able to let go and live.
Living Amends partners with sober living facilities to closely monitor each scholarship and intervene if obstacles arise to long-term sobriety. It’s possible that the other person is unaware of the harm you have caused them, and making direct amends would make them aware and hurt them badly. An apology consists of words, saying sorry for wat you did while in active substance abuse, and not much both you and the person you harmed can count on moving into the future of your relationship. The 12-step program instills honesty and integrity in members. If making amends requires the recovering alcoholic to report a past crime, they must be willing to go to jail to complete this step on their road to a complete and limitless recovery. From the steps leading up to nine, recovering alcoholics begin to develop tools to handle stressful situations without liquor and believe in a Higher Power greater than themselves.
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If we had not developed a relationship with a Higher Power, we wouldn’t now have the faith and trust that we definitely need to work Step Nine! If we living amends had not done our Fourth and Fifth Steps, we would probably still be so confused about our own personal responsibility, we wouldn’t know specifically what we’re making amends for. If we hadn’t developed humility in the Sixth and Seventh Steps we’d likely approach our amends with self-righteousness, blame or anger.